When I went to school this morning all happy and everything, I was like YAY!! Finally back to school!! But then I was watching the clock for the lessons to end so that I can have break. Which means, I'm not a nerd at all. I just want to go to school for some other reason! Which is a stupid reason that ONLY Shim knows. Don't try to guess please!

Then what I heard after 4 hours of non-stop studying? Someone in my school who lives RIGHT beside school, jumped down her apartment. Her boyfriend has the name of my friend's name and I'm so afraid that he's my friend that I feel like killing myself every second that I don't know whether its him until I see him. Which means tomorrow I will go hunt around school for him till I see him!!

Then my whole world was like spinning and I didn't know what to do and kept asking me what would I do if its really my friend because from all the newspapers and internet news I got, he's in critical condition as he also fall off the building. And, I'm pretty sure its not suicide! I feel like shit and I don't know what to do!! I can't do my Biology properly without thinking about what happened and stuff!

And then two days ago, I was thinking about my brother when Calvin Koko died in a car accident. My brother didn't come out of him room for days. Would I be like him?! I'm so worried I don't know how to pronounced the word worried!! I can't do Biology at all!!!!!

So HUNT FOR MY FRIEND TOMORROW!!!!!! FIRST THING IN THE MORNING!!!!

Ok. Lame layout but I don't remember how to use Paintshop anymore. I don't even know what does what and whatever I had, like brushes and stuff. This sucks big time!! But whatever it is, its not as sucky as mixed up relationships and problems among my friends in Brunei!

Then I see spams on Ame's tagboard and I got annoyed but I promised I won't be a part of it so I had to pretend to ignore all the shits. NOT EASY OK! So what if she was wrong? She did wrong? God sent Jesus to die on the cross for us, some of us committed worse crimes than her, yet God forgave them. Especially when they are soooo far apart, yet this rubbish happens.

And when I thought back. High school really sucked. Friends, few. Real friends even fewer. BUT betrayers and crap friends plenty! And the more I thought about it the more I wonder why I had such friends in the past. Why did I befriend with these stupid people who betrayed me and my friends, who gave up on me and Caroline after she found more popular friends and decided to have a new makeover to attract more boys? Why was I so stupid that I didn't realise who were my friends and who wasn't?

All I want is a few true friends that I trust and that's all I want. I want to believe in my friends and that I can talk to them from the bottom of my heart. Yet its quite difficult to find friends who are trustworthy and understanding. I'm not saying I'm perfect either. I'm bad. I'm very bad but if I consider you as my friend, then you can trust me.

Here, I changed actually. Although not my attitude but then I actually look forward to going to school although I have to go to school at 8 and only finish at 4. I look forward to disturbing Rie and Iris and eating and gossiping. Laughing at Iris' "cloudy heads" and bullying Rie and Claire and hunting for bananas. REALLY FUN! And I can't believe I'm actually going to finish college in 2 months or so! Sucks! It was like I just entered school two days ago!! I can remember Orientation clearly! I miss school already!!!!

And I'm hungry but I can't eat until another hour. Church tomorrow. Praying for Ame and mum. Then MAYBE I will go fish market with Rie but I was hoping to eat duck tomorrow. I miss Lucky's duck!! When I go back I want to eat!!!

Until next time...

After reading one of my friend's blog, I have decided to start a whole new blog. I don't know how many I've change already but its decided!

More later